Lost Loves.

But my heart bleeds.
I held her in my arms and feel the passage of her heartbeat at it slows. And the rage and despair threatened to overwhelm me, as I struggle in vain to keep it in check.
A precipice yawns open as her breathing, already so shallow, stutters.
Don't. Oh please, not yet.
I'm not ready for this.
But my heart bleeds...

****

I'll never forget the first time you were laid in my ams. You were so small, yet fat and already strong and long of limb. Your potential was already there, and just like that, I fell in love with you in an instant.
Adopting you and making you mine was easy peasy.
I never regretted you. Not once.
You changed my world.

Oh, there were times in the beginning that were a challenge for us both, but together we figured it out. Keeping you in your own bed was tough at first, but more for me than you I suspect. You weren't a finicky eater either. I loved that. Whatever I made you devoured with relish and would look at me for more. You liked to hide my things, always my favorite shoes or worse my keys.
You grew up too fast.
I drown in memories...
Of places we loved going to together. How you loved the car, and the sea as much as I did. So many times we explored along the shore and swam together. Or lazed in the sun baking like a couple of clams.
And you were always such a comfort. Always there when the past came back to haunt me in the night. Your love, your acceptance, the way you would listen to me...my tears and fears.

You were always so careful, so protective.
So for the life of me I can't understand why...what made you run out into street?
I'd been sitting at my desk, lost in words as usual.
It's a sound I'll never forget. A bang. Metal against living flesh, The squeal of tires.

I knew it was you.
I don't even remember leaving my desk, just running.
The bastard didn't even stop.
You'd been tossed high and flung to the curb, where you lay bloody and broken.
Your eyes were so filled with pain, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to help.

You were already leaving me. Never have I felt so utterly useless as I did that day.
I am ugly in grief, yet my overwhelming love for you would not be denied.
Collapsing to the curb, I gathered you gently in my arms and cried like a child.

So you fly free my bonny beauty.
Thank you for your unconditional love.
For every slobbery lick and tail wag, every enthusiastic greeting at the door, even if I was barely gone an hour.
For the loyalty, love and friendship that goes beyond words...
I hope there is a doggie heaven, or that we meet again someday. <3